I’m just so irritated all the time.
I hear this from my patients a lot. Usually, their irritation is directed to their spouse or children.
There are books, courses and counselors who can be helpful in improving communication, in order to resolve conflict and prevent resentment.
But before improving communication, there is something you need to take care of, that is even more important:
Your own wellbeing.
If you are irritable and resentful, I can almost guarantee that your self-care is in the trash.
And without meeting your own needs, any negotiation relationship starts off on the wrong foot.
Until you understand what it means to take great care of yourself, your perception of what others owe you will be distorted, and most likely, unrealistic.
Let’s face it: asking other people to change their behavior is hard. Not impossible, but hard.
So if you’re burned out today, and you want to end resentment now, you have to take radical responsibility for your own well being.
Here are your four keys to ending resentment, through radical self-care:
#1 See every adult as abundantly resourced and intelligent, with everything they need to succeed. You do not need to solve their problems for them. Or do their laundry.
Why is this important?
You’re a good person. It’s natural to want to help others. But every time you take on responsibility that isn’t yours, you expend energy that you may not really have.
Worse, others become dependent on you without even realizing it. Before you know it, you have created a story where you do everything and nobody does anything for you.
And guess what, you’re right.
Barring any life-threatening circumstance, when faced with someone else’s crisis, allow yourself to empathize, and use these words: “I’m sure you can figure it out. I believe in you.”And mean it.
#2 Do at least one thing everyday for the sheer pleasure of it.
Make a list of things you truly enjoy, and that cause you to lose track of time, even for a few minutes. It could be reading, singing, walking, taking a bath, hula hooping…you get the idea.
Schedule on of these activities into your daily routine. Make that time your sacred self-care gift to yourself.
Do this regularly, and you will fill up your reserves of energy and patience. By giving yourself moments of joy, you interrupt the expectation / hidden demand / resentment cycle. It no longer becomes someone else’s job to make you happy..
#3 Get enough sleep.
Sleep is the most underrated basic necessity of life. Getting eight hours of sleep gets no respect, and even makes you look suspect in our get- it- done culture. But it’s essential for staying balanced emotionally.
If you are not getting at least seven hours of sleep on a regular basis, take a good look at everything you are saying “yes”to.
Then, ask yourself which of those things are as important as your sanity.
#4 Get supported.
Bottom line, we are not meant to do it all alone. The lone heroine, slaying dragons all by herself, is a dangerous myth that keeps you lonely, stuck, and really resentful.
Reach out. Get help from a trusted mentor, and cultivate a community of people who believe in you. Support makes the difference between you feeling totally depleted, and fulfilled & happy.
Need help with getting out of resentment, and into fulfillment and joy? Let’s talk.
Click here to schedule a time to chat with me, and we’ll map out a simple plan to get you feeling happy, relaxed and energized again.
What have you noticed about your own tendency to be irritable and resentful?
Teray Garchitorena Kunishi, ND
Get in touch at http://www.deeplyhappy.com/contact/
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